Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
