I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
