I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
