the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
