R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
