so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
