How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
