Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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