LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
