I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
