I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize