my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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