so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
