It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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