whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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