Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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