I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
