He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
