I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
