I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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