Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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