thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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