How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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