Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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