The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
