It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
