whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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