listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
