South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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