:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
