I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
