I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
