Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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