I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
