Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
