A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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