Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize