Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
