now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
