theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Life without a bra equals bliss.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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