I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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