Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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