DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
