he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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