hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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