He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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