Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
