The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
