He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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