Im at strip club and am horny
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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