omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
