Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
