im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
