He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
