How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
