i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
