As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
