You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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