just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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