I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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