Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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