So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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