the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
did you just send me my own nude
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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