You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
