Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
