You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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