i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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