Someone shit on the floor
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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