I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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