you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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