The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
