He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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