My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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