I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
