I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
