Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
