Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
