Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
