3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
