Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
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