I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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