so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
