Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
