Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
